You’ve got a lotta nerve . . . ?!!

I’m all for helping people. I’ve always appreciated it when someone comes up to me and offers assistance, and I try to do the same whenever I see someone who looks lost or confused.

In the eight years since my first novel was published, I regularly receive requests from people asking me to "read my work and tell me what you think of it," or even ask, "How do I get published?"

These requests never fail to amaze me. In this information age, where tons of data is available at our fingertips or even at the local bookstore, why are people asking such basic questions, like how they go about getting published? My own opinion? Laziness combined with a touch of greed. In these times, just about everybody and their mother has a book out, including many celebrities. I truly believe that people see writing as a way to make a quick buck. I love writing, but it’s hard work. Writers who turn out quality work at a fairly quick pace will always have my admiration.

Now, I’m not one of those to take the attitude that it’s every man for him/herself when it comes to giving aspiring writers pointers. I have on several occasions offered to read the work of some people active in the on-line writing community who expressed frustration at the reaction to their writing efforts. Offhand, I can think of two that showed real promise. The others were plagued with the type of writing mistakes many people - published authors as well as novices - make, like telling rather than showing, overuse of characters’ names, repetitiveness, passivity, creative dialogue tags, etc.

Some months back I received a letter from a young woman in prison who raved about one of my books, only to ask that I send her some more books to read. She actually included a wish list of titles she was dying to read for what I presume was my purchasing convenience (how thoughtful.) And I thought I’d seen the height of gall when I received an invitation to a bridal shower that included the statement, "Checks and gift cards appreciated." But that’s a gripe for another day. In case you’re wondering, that letter went right in the trash.

Then, last week, I received a large envelope with a cover letter telling me how much the reader enjoyed my book when they checked it out at the library (which took up two lines.) The reader spent the remainder of the full-page letter telling me about a project they are currently working on, which they’d just sent to a publisher I immediately recognized as a vanity press, and asked me to "please take a look at it and give me your honest opinion, and if you can help me please do so." At the end of the letter the reader inserted a note, "Please return copy." Naturally, she didn’t include an SASE (that's self-addressed, stamped envelope for all you non-writers out there.)

Whichever way I interpreted this request, which I narrowed down to either A) This person is either totally clueless, or B) This person is just trying to get editing services for free, it annoyed me. I gave this reader the benefit of the doubt and presumed she simply didn't know, so I invested 39 cents in a stamp to respond. I gave this reader my honest opinion (about her request, not about her writing, which I did not read,) concluding by telling her that I will return her pages provided she sends me a self-addressed, stamped envelope with sufficient postage for its return within two weeks, or else it gets recycled. Hopefully, she's learned a few things and will do her homework. If not, she will probably move on to another writer.

Who knows, maybe the best way to handle people with that much nerve is to be just as nervy in return.