The Art of the Celebrity Break-up

I heard on the news last night that Sean Combs’ spokesperson confirmed that Puffy (as I still call him; I can't be bothered with all those name changes) and his longtime girlfriend, Kim Porter, have broken up.

No, I’m not commenting on what is considered news these days. I’ve just noticed that celebrities often break up differently than the rest of us poor slobs. There’s a procedure that many of them follow. Rule #1 is, Tell the world how happy and so-in-love you are. Then comes Rule #2, which is, After the breakup, then it’s time to confess how horrible he/she really was (usually, ‘he.’) Anyone who reads Essence magazine might remember the cover story they did on Sean and Kim just a few months ago. They’d been through their hard times (during one of their breakups, Sean had a well-publicized affair with Jennifer Lopez), but were back and better than ever, etc.

Roseanne Barr did it. Vanessa Williams did it. And, most nauseatingly, Kathie Lee Gifford did it (okay, she and Frank are still married today, but he was far from the devoted husband she painted him as. Besides, that affair was some time ago, and who’s a now-80-year-old man going to cheat with?)

Then again, maybe this isn’t limited to celebrities. I remember someone on an Internet message board for people in my profession who was always talking about her “DH.” She did it to distraction. Then she suddenly disappeared. Several months later she sent me a private e-mail (we lived in the same city) saying that she was getting divorced. I didn’t find out until some time later that “DH”was an acronym for “dear husband,” so I didn't understand the irony right away. In hindsight, it all came together. It obviously offered her comfort to see all those mentions of her loving spouse in print . . . even if she knew they weren't true. Maybe that's the case for these other divorced women as well. Everyone has different coping mechanisms.

But I can't help suspecting that the happiest couples, whether prominent or anonymous, are the ones who don’t constantly harp on how strong their marriages/relationships are, how wonderful their spouses are, how happy they are . . . .